A Single Girl’s Diary……..A Thin Line between Holiness & Hoeing!

“Keep vigilant watch over your heart;that’s where life starts.” – Proverbs 4:23 MSG

This is a scripture I at one point LIVED by. Like I kept my heart, thoughts, urges and everything else sooooo guarded. Guarded to the point that I wouldn’t even allow myself to look at a guy and appreciate the dope qualities about him in even a friendly way to avoid falling for him or having some sort of affection for him I couldn’t control. I know, I know ,you would think I’m 27 and should be able to control these things, yet somehow these past few months have caught me COMPLETELY slipping and standing emotional naked, vulnerable and open to a variety of things. There are two things I truly struggle with those are my temptation sexually and my temper, both which I thought were TOTALLY under control until a recent turn of events proved to me just how inaccurate I was ( which seems to be the case about a lot of things with me these days). Which brings me to a thought that popped in my head today, there’s a thin line between holiness and hoeing! Like ok maybe not like LITERALLY being a hoe but think about it all it takes is a thought a few unguarded thoughts and or unguarded ear and eye gate moments and little by little the compromise begins. A compromise that you didn’t even know existed until one day you’re staring the ultimate inner battle. I can’t speak or anyone else but me and that’s where I’m at right now I’ve had at least one argument a week over the last month and it took almost nothing to trigger them (not guarding), I find myself justifying and even almost giving in to the idea of sins (not guarding). Shoot I even placed my relationship on the line (not guarding) because I was so wrapped up in me and what I want and what I feel and what MY FLESH NEEDS. It wasn’t until this evening leaving church that I realized, I’m unguarded and I’m drifting, drifting badly! The even scarier part of it all is not knowing if I care or not. On one end I TOTALLY LOVE GOD and what to do his will and his way and live right, the signs of the times are ever present and I believe he’s coming back more as each day passes! Yet on the other side there’s a girl SCREAMING like, I wish I could just live my life, I wish I could be young, careless and free like the rest of them. I wish I could just kick it and “do my thing” and wake up feeling no type of way, not being attached, not knowing I’m a spiritual being, not thinking that I’ve given away a piece of my virtue. #LEsigh this is what happens when you aren’t guarded you leave room for doubt and suspicions and guilt and condemnation which goes directly against Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” This is just a confusing life point I’d figured I’d share and welcome feedback on! XOXO


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